Eric Sanderson

A conversation with musician Eric Sanderson about his first solo album, Audio Journal Vol 1. 

THIS IS IT-

Speeding on a narrow, undulating, serpentine mountain road in another country. You let off the gas only to take uncertain blind corners. The music playing is the perfect mate for the situation. Knuckles tight, the steering wheel has become part of your body.

Eyes focused ahead, catching the occasional glimpse of the bucolic view below. Suddenly the road straightens out. In the distance a fork in the road takes form. You slow down. 

Your heart is trying to punch itself out of your chest from speeding just moments ago, however, here you are. Gas tank is questionable, your direction even more so. What do you do?

This is what Eric must have felt like when Augustines stopped being a band last year. The exhilaration of having at times tens of thousands of fans cheering for him as he played alongside his band mates is something that most us will never experience, much less comprehend losing. Now having to choose what to do next. What now? Answer: he chose to rely on the internal truths that brought him this far -- openness, honesty, love for community and music. He created Audio Journal Vol 1.

Eric Sanderson is here. He has stepped out from behind his base guitar and keyboards to share himself and his art.

The idea of Audio Journals, Vol.1 is different than most records due to the fact that it is a collection of songs created over the past sixteen years. Eric started traditional journaling in 2001, however, he thinks, feels and communicates through music, so naturally, he turned his daily capturing of emotions and thoughts into a musical journal. In these songs you can here the whispers of what helped become the Augustines cannon.

DEMONS AT THE GATE-

I’m siting outside B61 Bar in Brooklyn, NY with Eric to discuss his first solo project. For a moment his gaze goes past me, over my shoulder, towards the street. I notice his eyes gently panning across the collage of recent memories that lead him to this conversation. 

I ask him what were the first challenges he encountered when he decided to start this project. He leans back, eyes lowered, brows raised, as if to be speaking to himself. He exhales, "The first obstacle was deciding to get behind myself and actually do it.” He then went on to mention other road blocks. His hard drive that had a large amount of older finished songs on it crashed. He almost shut the project down. It was almost over before it even began. His incredible wife Diana brought him back to center.

E – “ Diana helped me realize that it didn't matter. The idea of releasing Audio Journals isn't about releasing a perfect finalized project. It's more about releasing something that's true."

He then went on to say that he realized that almost giving up had nothing to do with physical or technical problems.

E – “I had to fight the voices in my head that say, I’m not good enough to do it…or that the music isn’t good enough…or who knows if people are going to even like it. I had to silence those voices and get behind this and start it.”

NR – “Have you always had those feelings?”

(Without pausing)

E – “Yeah, always. My entire life. At every stage as a musician -- when I was Junior high school, when I was in high school, when I was in college, when I graduated college, when I moved to New York and started my 2nd band… 4th band… Every single point in the phase I felt like I was faking it. And I felt that at any point in time someone was going to find me out.”

Despite all the adulation, all the successful bands and collaborations he has been part of, despite selling out venues and playing on the David Letterman show, his feelings of not being good enough and thinking that everyone's admiration wasn't warranted never went away. Fears of not being considered a "real musician", a fraud or fake are always there. These emotions holding him back from fully enjoying the moments while playing. Like a wasp in the corner of a room just out of reach, humming its ominous low song, causing constant peripheral tension.

When asking him how he snuck past the demons that block the gates of making almost anything, he said, “I remind myself that subconscious insecurities are what latch on to those physical challenges. 

CONCEPT

On the heels of discussing an online troll, I sensed a small fire building inside of him from thinking about all that he had to fight internally to release this album. I asked him,

NR – “So what does this project mean to you?”

E – “This project is about saying there is nothing wrong with being imperfect. God, there's nothing wrong with being yourself. Stop photoshopping everything and making everything perfect. Singing out of tune is okay. I'm not a good singer, and guess what, I'm releasing a song that has me fully singing on it.

(Speaking with a tone of even more openness and self reflection)

E – “Self confidence, self reliance, self belief and the incredible support of friends and family is what got me to the point where I said, ok I can do this. This is who I am. And hey guess what, this is me and I'm not afraid to say who I am anymore. And no I don't think that's narcissism. It's courage, straight up. And I don't think it's narcissistic to admit you're being courageous...that's a place that everyone should be or at least try to be. Just being honest with yourself. And what I learned about being in Augustines is that being you is embracing the things you don't like about yourself and stop trying to hide them. Allow yourself to be whatever you need to be...let yourself be stupid. Make mistakes. Be something other than what you think you should be."

(On talking about the importance of self awareness)

E – “A breakthrough for me in Augustines was the importance of knowing who you are. I started to become ok with myself. I realized the reason why I love those key artists in my life is because they are who they are. They are unapologetically uniquely themselves. For Christ sakes, Billie holiday, John Coltrane, Johnny Cash… Even modern bands like Radiohead and like, Tyler the Creator. The reason why we love them is because they are completely unique. I know Elvis didn't write his own music, but still it’s Elvis Presley! There's no doubt about that."

THE END IS THE BEGINNING 

If releasing something creative into the world isn't frightening enough, try sharing all your earliest ideas and thoughts to the world. By Eric taking this approach it obliterates any notions of egotism. He has not put out polished pieces to make himself look and sound as good as possible. No, these are raw and real songs. Pure music built from bones of sincerity and personal experience.

This music brings up emotions almost forgotten these days. You find yourself trying to put your finger on exactly what you’re feeling, like when a fragrance overwhelms you with familiarity. Then it comes to you. The sounds he creates fills your heart with the same warmth as receiving a hand written letter from a friend telling you everything will be ok at just the right time. Each track that he has released is earnest and heartfelt. His music reflects his attitude perfectly. Strong, kind, introspective and completely void of a vitriolic shadow.